An Oldie But Goodie: YOU

Previously published in SDW Magazine

August 2006

FROM LONG LOVE TO NEW LOVE: The Journey Starts With YOU

By Aisha Nailah

Picture it. You’ve broken up with your boyfriend after he has cheated on you for what seems like the hundredth time. You didn’t want to do it because you believe that everyone deserves another chance. You’ve just spent the entire night on the telephone listening to your girlfriend tell you how good of a person you are and how you can have anyone in this world that you want to. You believe her. So why is it that it has been six months and you haven’t been on a single date yet?

Sometimes when we spend years with someone we become so conditioned to being “one of two” that we close ourselves off from the rest of the world not allowing anyone to notice us as just “one”. When we leave our relationships we are still stuck in the couple mentality. This is why it is important to give yourself time after a breakup; time to heal and time to learn about who you are. Though you may think that you are the same person that you were when first entering the relationship chances are there are small aspects of your life that have been slightly altered. Follow these tips to get yourself back on track to finding true love.

Understand Yourself- Look at your life. Are you the same person that you were a few years ago? It is okay to be different. As time goes on we grow and with that growth comes change. You used to like horror movies but recently you find that you only like romance. The club that you once liked to frequent has now been replaced by chi-chi lounges and bistros. Embrace and recognize the butterfly that you have blossomed into.

Love Yourself- Now that you have recognized the changes that have taken place within your soul, love them. Love every part of you. Step out of your clothes and look into the mirror. Look at your curves. Feel the softness of your body and love every bit of it. See those eyes? Have you ever noticed how exotically shaped they are? Your hair may not be long but it is of thickness that many would pay for. Look deep within yourself. Isn’t your heart simply beautiful? You have to learn to love yourself totally in order to be able to show that next special person how to. Once you completely love yourself, magically you will attract those who will do the same.

Pamper Yourself- Men really are attracted to women who exude a high self-esteem. If your esteem isn’t sky high then fake it. After faking it for a while you’ll realize that your head really is up and your shoulders are being held back without your having to try. Keep your hair and your nails done. Treat yourself to a pedicure. Stop by the local spa from time to time and get a massage. You are worth it. Too often we get caught in the hustle and bustle of our lives believing that there has to be a special occasion to allow ourselves the simple luxuries that surround us. If you cannot find the time in between leaving work and picking up the kids to go to the nail salon schedule a mini spa treatment for your next lunch hour. You’ll go back to work feeling refreshed and beautiful.

Take Care Of Yourself- While loving the shapes and silhouettes of our bodies we should get into the practice of exercise. Physical activity is not only a good stress reliever but it is great for our hearts and minds. Put on your cutest workout outfit and go for a brisk walk. As you walk, pay attention to how you breathe. Allow yourself to take in extra deep cleansing breaths. Visualize all of the tension, hurt, and mistakes of your past being blown out as you exhale. Say goodbye to the negativity of yesterday and leave it all behind as you continue walking towards your new goal of happiness and well being. Seek out new recipes for healthy and delicious foods. Explore the tastes of an exotic island. Instead of a Crème Brule opt for a frosty smoothie. Your energy levels will be endless.

Be Open To Love- Many times after a break-up we wallow in anger and hurt and build walls around us to prevent all of the Mr. Wrongs from coming our way. Unfortunately we also block the Mr. Rights. Once you have taken the time to reconnect with the person that you are, step out into society knowing that you are capable and good enough to attract all that is good. Carry yourself like the queen that you are and your king will find you. Remember that you will only attract that which you put out. If you give off an insecure vibe then you will attract those men who are looking to suck you dry and put you through the wringer. Show the world how much you love yourself and the world will love you in return.

Remember that YOU hold the key to your heart and happiness. YOU control your destiny and YOU are the only one who can set the example for how YOU want someone to love YOU.